I videoed last nights injection for you, but the first time I went to put the needle in, it just wouldn't go in! You can see I had to do it twice! But I got it done in the end!
Last night I was feeling quite bloated and could tell my ovaries were warming up, but today, Nada! I couldn't even bend over to take my socks off last night. I haven't had so much as a niggle today, so I'm starting to worry. If I don't have anymore feelings by tomorrow, I'm ringing the clinic. All the other blogs I have read, the ladies have all had a day3/4 stim ultrasound, I only have mine on day 10 of stims. All clinics are different and this is how my clinic work, but it would just be nice to have some reassurance that the meds are working, so if I need to up my dose, I can do it now, and not in 6 days time. I will just wait and see what tonight's injection brings.
The side effects are not too bad at all, a lot better than I was expecting, but the hot flushes seem to have turned into hot half hours! Poor Bongo woke up this morning for work shivering, because I had the bedroom window wide open as I was so hot during the night, it was that cold, we had frost on the inside of the window, but I was still too hot!
I can't work my damn immune system out! I'm eating really well, drinking plenty of water, no caffeine (well, one coffee when I wake up) taking every vitamin and minerals under the sun, and I still get ill. I have woken up today with earache again! I had this last week when I went for my scan, but put that down to the fact I was trying to strip the colour from my hair and had my head immersed under water for nearly a whole day. But there is no reason to have earache today. And it's that really painful stabbing earache. I have told Bongo when he comes home from work, that I may need to go to the doctors later, but I don't know what that will achieve, I don't want to take antibiotics and I don't want to take painkillers, I did give in about an hour ago and took some co-codamol, and the old fashioned olive oil in the ear trick, I'm not sure which one has helped it calm down, but it's not as bad as it was.
I have also had to make the painful decision to take a step back from certain friendships for a while. Too much drama in their lives and not enough support for me. I constantly find myself running around after people, doing them favours, staying up late to talk them through the latest crap and not even so much as a 'how are you feeling' for me. When I do try and talk about me, it seems something comes up and they have to get off the phone, or I am just called emotional and hormonal and to fix up. I'm not even asked how my treatment is going. I'm supposed to be resting and I get lumbered with their crap. Then I get upset and pissed off, which is no good, and I don't want to end up wondering in the future if it was the stress that they put me under that made my cycle fail??
I know, I know, that seems very selfish and a nasty thing to say, but that's how my mind is set right now. I need absolutely NO STRESS, and if that's how it has to be. I have always put other people first, I will give someone the shirt off my back and the last penny in my purse, no matter how badly I needed it myself. I will get out of bed and go running at 4am if someone needs me to, and sometimes I have almost ruined my relationship with Bongo by being such a nice person to other people, I have taken him for granted over the years. I have also put my own dramas aside and dealt with others first. When I have had dramas or been upset and asked for support from my 'friend' I am fobbed off and made to feel that my problems are insignificant and that I'm being stupid.
But this time, it is about ME, I am going to be selfish and put myself first. I only need support and to be selfish for a couple of weeks, that's all, and maybe, hopefully the next 9 months, or the fallout of getting a bfn, but is that too much to ask?? I feel very let down and disappointed by these recent events, and I know how my true friends are from this experience.
I'm also really stuck on the idea that no eggs will fertilise, I spoke to a friend about this the other night (thank you C) and she really did calm me down, and had the idea to call the clinic and see if we can pay the extra to have ICSI instead of conventional IVF, but I don't know if I will be able to get he money together and I feel a bit silly even thinking this, they are the experts, they would have suggested ICSI if I needed it wouldn't they?? If I end up ringing the clinic tomorrow, I will discuss this with the nurse. I just cannot get past this.I just have this awful feeling that none will fertilise for what ever reason, maybe my eggs are crap, maybe we just are not compatible, maybe I won't even get any eggs? Why am I stuck here? I don't want to be in this place, I want to enjoy this experience and be grateful for evrything that I have been given a chance for! But, I know I only have this one chance, there won't be round two and we can try ICSI. I need to get past this. And this is why I need real friends around me now, and it's my online friends who have every reason to shy away from me during this journey that have stepped up and been real friends and real support. But I suppose the person who has 3 kids all concieved naturally with no problems really wouldn't understand.
That is some smooth injection technique lady! :D
ReplyDeleteI think the ICSI question is worthwhile. I read an article a little while back that ICSI is becoming more standard in the USA because the higher success rates. The downside is a bit higher risk of congenital abnormalities. It's a balance, hey?
That was my worse injection by far!!
DeleteI am going to speak to them at my appointment on Friday about ICSI, I have a scan to see how my follies are doing, so I can ask them then.
EEK! I was cringing all the way thru that video and im not even scared of needles lol. Brave lady. Love you <3 xxx
ReplyDeleteLove You too!!!
DeleteOk so we haven't gotten to the fertilization part right? Why are you worrying they won't fertilize? I'm confused...you don't have crap eggs!!!! I'm sure you'll have plenty fertilize, plus Bongo's SA was great. Don't sweat it (no pun intended).
ReplyDeleteI see that not only is this process challenging in what you have to undergo physically..but mentally it's a mind fuck! They don't seem to prepare you for that. Well unless you went to a certain world renowned facility, of which you would have your own personal psychologist. :P
Nope, hopefully, as long as everything goes to plan, fertilisation will be Monday 12th Novemeber.
DeleteI'm not sure why I'm worrying!!
Nope, Im afraid my clinic isn't as world renowned as some we know!!
^^ This is sarcasm to anyone else who's reading this, my clinic, in my mind and in my opinion, is excellent, the best, I have had no problems, no issues to speak of and my care has been top class!!