Midwife Appointment

Today went way better than expected.

So I woke up to a text from the midwife asking if she could change my appointment to this morning rather than this afternoon, after lots of back and forth, I managed to get to my mums for the appointment. But Bongo didn't finish work in time, so he missed the appointment.

She done the usual checks on my urine, which was fine, and my BP which again was fine. She asked if I had any problems and I told her about my back and pelvis, I expected to be fobbed off, but she said straight away that if it's still bad in a months time, she will refer me to the physios.

I feel that her attitude toward me has completely changed, she couldn't have been more helpful and supportive today. I don't know if it was because my mum was in the room, and being very pushy!! But she has suddenly decided after my mum raising the subject of the birth (and making it clear she knew people in high places!!), that she will support my decision for a ELCS, I am to discuss this with my Obstetric Consultant at my appointment at around 28 weeks, and that if I want her there for moral support, she will come with me!! A complete turnaround from my last appointment.
I explained my fears about baby getting stuck, a forceps, then having to be taken for an EMCS, and I think she took me seriously and realised I had done my homework. She also said if the consultant is too pushy for  a VBAC, she will then take me to see a Consultant Midwife instead, who will fight my corner for me.
My mum also managed to get in the full story about Charlie's birth, so I think that helped as well.

I have my appointment booked for my GTT for 18th September, and I also have to have an Anti-D on 20th September as my blood group is O-neg.

She then listened to baby's heart rate. I had a bit of a moment where I had a panic, she couldn't get a great position at first, baby is laying on my right side, and she said my stomach muscles are way too strong! Then you hear the baby kick and the heart rate kick in!! It sounds like I'm carrying a galloping horse! I've tried adding it to my blog, but can't for some reason!

So, my appointment went better than expected, but I also wonder what her attitude will be like next time I see her! And they say I have a personality disorder!!

15 Weeks 3 Day

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the Midwife from Hell, and I am actually dreading it.
It's just a routine appointment, check my urine, BP and listen to the HR of my belly monster, so maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and not even try and discuss the birth with her and wait for my Obstetric Consultant appointment?

She's annoyed me greatly, she is supposed to be dealing with vulnerable people, and all she has done is push me into a pit of despair and anxiety about the birth. I feel I am not being listened to and that I am being treated like a 'mental woman' because of my Bipolar and that I can't make my own informed decisions surrounding the birth of MY baby and what happens to MY body.

I am having some real problems with my back and pelvis. If I am standing for too long, or do too much, I have really bad pains. Mum bought me an amazing pillow- its like a memory foam cube with two U shapes cut out either side to place between my legs, it keeps my pelvis open slightly and eases a lot of the pain. I think it may be where I have got so big, so quickly. Although my growth spurt seems to be levelling out now. Here's my 15 week pic

I almost gave myself a heart attack last week. I was at my friends (the MW) and as is usual, needed to go for my hourly wee. I went for a wee, wiped and it was pink on the toilet roll, I looked down the loo and it was a really dark pink. I stood in her bathroom and screamed for her to come and look. My heart dropped out of my arse, I was all snot and tears. She was very very calm and said I may have a UTI or dehydrated. She asked me what I had drunk today, so I told her. Then she asked me what I had eaten, so I reeled off a list of what I had eaten (another story about this is to come!!) and when I got to my afternoon snack - 'Crackers with.............Ohhhhhhhh, that's what it will be!! BEETROOT!!'
I have never had this happen with beetroot before! Never from a wee anyway!! I felt so stupid standing there creaming with snot and tears, all because I ate some beetroot!!

A word of warning, NEVER EVER LET YOUR DH READ INFORMATION LEAFLETS!!!
Bongo was very nearly in hospital having his face reattached after his little comment the other night!! So as I have said, my blood glucose levels are playing up, and I have trouble eating too much at once, so I am eating very healthily, but little and often. Bongo came home from work one day and I had all my leaflets out to cut out all the money off coupons and free gifts from the maternity pack. He came across a leaflets about Healthy Eating During Pregnancy, he perused it, and said nothing else on the matter. Later on that evening, we were in bed and my pelvis was playing up, so I kind of nudged him and said 'it really hurts' and he replied 'you eat too much' I was absolutely gobsmacked!! So a massive argument ensues, and it turns out he had read the leaflets and it suggests I eat 3 proper meals a day! Well he has taken that as written in stone. I had to carefully explain to the dumbass, that if he actually looks at what and when I'm eating I certainly am NOT eating too much!! It just looks that way. If my pelvis wasn't playing up so much, I could quite easily have lost the plot. As it was, I just sat there, absolutely gobsmacked that my lovely sweet Bongo could say this to me. Kind of ironic coming from him anyway, as any of my girls who know me/him, will understand!!!

Anyway, I will update on my appointment with Hells own MW tomorrow.

Wonderful Friends!

I'm sat here, crying my heart out for my friend who has been given bad news regarding her rights to fertility treatments, and d'you know, she's the one talking me through my rights for a ELCS, calming me down about the birth of my baby, how amazing is this woman? She is the most caring, unselfish loving person in the world.

I rang my mum to tell her my friends news (she likes to keep up to date with us ladies) and I cried. I said 'we all want to win the lottery for selfish reasons, but I swear, I promise, just let me win £10,000 and I will give it all to her for IVF, I won't keep a penny' I just wish there was something I could do for her, I feel so useless, and all she has been is supportive, always. I want to pay her back for all the love and support she's shown through my treatments, and my pregnancy. She deserves this, for all the love she shows, I've never known anyone with so much love!


Following on from yesterdays confusing post re Psycho Midwife.

I have talked to my friend who is a midwife, and told her what happened. She asked my MWs name, and straight away screamed down the phone at me to change my MW immediately. It turns out they trained together and she is an absolute nutter. She had very low grades (even failed a year and had to re-take exams). I won't go into details regarding her too much, but I am going to change MWs ASAP. I have an appointment with her next Tuesday 25th, and I have asked my mum to be there. My mum was in the house when I had my appointment last week (this MW is in a team of MWs that deal with vulnerable ladies, ie; mental heath problems and teen pregnancies, can you believe that) and my mum took an instant dislike to her after I told her how the appointment went. I was angry with my mum at first, but as I said yesterday, hindsight is a bitch and it took this weekend for me to realise what an absolute knob she is! So, mum will be at the next appointment, and I want my mum to tell me what I need to do, I trust my mums opinion 100%.
It's a shame I can't have my friend as my MW, but a conflict of interests stops her being on my case. Although I am discussing the possibility of her being with me throughout my labour and birth anyway, and taking her lead regarding my care.
Although as I said yesterday, I still have to see a consultant yet, so I'm hoping they listen to my fears and take into consideration my birth with Charlie, as I have checked and it says on my notes 'ELCS due to baby's size'

I am worried about how my care will be if I request a change in MWs, but have been told that many many women change their MWs, as it is the most personal time of their lives, and if they just don't click with a MW, they won't want them their during birth. It's quite common to change MWs. Its still a worry though.

I'm going to read through the guidelines my wonderful friend has just sent me, regarding a ELCS and just see how my appointment with her goes next week. Hopefully, my mother will step in if I'm not assertive enough!

Oh, and I just love being woken up to 'Darling............your bumps MASSIVE this morning!'

14 weeks 2 days

Hindsight is a bitch isn't it?
Why don't I exert myself more, instead of being spoken over?
I'm annoyed with my MW.

When I asked about another ELCS, she asked about the circumstances surrounding the ELCS, and yes, it most certainly was an elective! But she wouldn't listen to the story and kept telling me it was an emergency section, WHICH IT WASN'T!!

Here's the story - I had a growth scan at 34 weeks, to assess about the birth. BUT, they picked up a problem with the blood flow through the placenta, it wasn't a life or death situation for the baby, and I was monitored every other day at the Fetal Assessment unit, up until my next Consultant appointment at 37 weeks, he was happy with baby, so I was left to continue with monitoring, and back again in a week, he mentioned that I should seriously start considering a ELCS, but nothing was ever actually mentioned about babies size, but I presume he meant because of babies size and this problem would be less chance of fetal distress. We continued with monitoring, and went back at 39+1 to the consultant, where my ex-husband said 'you've told us we are having a section, just tell us where and when and we will be there' the consultant said he would have a MW ring and book us in that afternoon, when the MW rang she said you have a choice of dates, tomorrow or 5 days time (my due date). We chose to go in the next day, as we just couldn't wait to meet baby.

But my MW this time didn't listen to the full story, all she heard was 'problem, blood flow, placenta' and decided it was an EMCS, and that because it was an emergency, I don't qualify for an ELCS this time!!
I am really not bothered about having a TOLAC, but I just want a straight forward birth. I have a fear of not being able to get the baby out, I'll end up in theatre having a dreaded forceps delivery, then maybe even going on to have a EMCS!!

I still have to have a consultant appointment, due to being high risk as I have a previous CS (yes, very contradictory) so I will raise my concerns then.

And I really want to know if I had an EMCS or and ELCS. Its pissing me off now!!


Anyway back to today! Here's 14 week bump pic!

(excuse the mess on my bedroom floor! Teenagers are not very good at tidying their crap up!)

Weirdly, morning sickness has been bad these past few days, I really thought I'd got lucky and given the whole MS a big fat swerve, but nope! We had a McDonald's for dinner last night, and pickles make me feel sick at the best of times, but Bongo had taken his yukky yukkys (what pickles are called in this house) out of his burger and left them on his plate, when I went to take his plate out, these horrible soggy, green snotty looking disgusting things were just sat looking at me on his plate, I actually was sick in my mouth, I had to swallow it to shout at Bongo to take the plate off me, the dumbass stood up and closed the fucking window and left me standing there unable to move with sickness, holding this plate of yukky yukkys. I swear, that mans on another fucking planet recently!Then went to the bathroom and puked, hard!!!

I've had the results of my Nuchal Screening scan and blood test, I am Low Risk for Downs Syndrome. My results are a 1 in 2198 chance of having a baby with DS. So no further testing for  us, although we had agreed that it wouldn't affect us at all, and we would just deal with the circumstances. We had looked into the possibility of heart conditions in DS children, and other risks, and we know we would have coped.

I have a quiet week this week, no scans or appointments, so I plan on taking it easy!

Scan and Midwife Appointment.

The scan went well, thank god!
We had a different woman scan us this time, and she was lovely. When we saw the baby pop up on the screen, I burst into tears, so she asked if we had a hard time, we explained everything and she was brilliant, making excuses for us to stay in the room a bit longer scanning our baby! She kept saying we couldn't possibly go outside looking like we had been crying, so she kept scanning and showing us the baby. She pointed out little hands and feet, spine, ribs, showed us the heartbeat on the screen, which is excellent at 142bpm. Baby is a long baby, not big as such, just quite long, which would probably explain why I'm quite big already.
Baby kept wriggling, so we couldn't get brilliant shots, but I saw my baby, jumping up and down and wriggling away.
My EDD is still 13th December, so I was spot on with my dates, the other scan was completely wrong, which I knew it would be. so I had the scan at 13+4, I'll be 14 weeks tomorrow!

1st one is baby waving!

We have a 3D/Gender scan booked for 6th July and I can't wait!!
I didn't find out with Charlie, I don't know how I made 39 weeks not knowing what I was having! Even now, having to wait 2 weeks to find out is killing me!

We had our midwife appointment yesterday, everything is good. I told her about my blood sugars levels and she is sending me for a GTT (Glucose Tolerance Test) she was very understanding.
We also discussed the birth with her, she is adamant I will be having a VBAC, which was quite a shock! She said there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that I would need another Cesarean! We discussed our concerns with her, but she is very convincing and said everything will be fine. Bongo is still a bit worried. But as I'm going to be under consultant care, I will discuss this with my consultant as well when I get the appointment. Scary Stuff!!!

13 Weeks 3 days

So tomorrow is my scan date. As much as I'm looking forward to it, I am terrified. Its hard to put into words.
I'm scared I'm going to wish the scan time away, because all I want to see is a moving, waving baby, I'm scared I can't just lay back and enjoy the ride. It's like I just want it over and done with, so I know everything's OK.
I'm scared they are going to tell me my baby died weeks ago, and I have had another MMC.
But, I am also excited, I'm sure everything will be fine, I would have known if something wasn't right by now, wouldn't I?
Well this time tomorrow, it will all be over, and hopefully, I will be uploaded a little scan pic for you all to see.
I will also have a more accurate EDD (if that even makes sense) which has been another pain in the backside, not actually being able to tell anyone when the baby is due! My lovely sister NEEDS to know so she can book her flights for Christmas (she goes to their Los Angeles home for Christmas)

I am officially a dinlow! I went to bed Friday night, after having a lovely warm bubble bath. One of the many times I had to get up to pee in the night, I wiped, there was a drop of blood. All of a panic and crying, I woke Bongo up and told HIM not to panic, but there was blood when I wiped, he promptly fell straight back to sleep, as I'd told him not to panic, so he got a rude awakening by me screaming at him to sort his fucking life out! He told me to wait 2 minutes and go back and check. By which time, I had remembered, I had had a little tidy up down stairs and must of nicked myself with a razor!! When I went back to do a more thorough check, I had indeed cut myself shaving!!
Now the dilemma, do I grow a gruffalo and not worry about cuts and nicks or do I keep myself all nice and trimmed................ as long as I can reach it, you can trust me, there will be no gruffalos in this house!!!

I managed to convince Bongo I needed more clothes, so had a lovely day out Monday spending all his money! And of course, I needed new shoes with said new outfits! Bongo has since returned to a more natural colour, rather than the yukky green colour he's been all week after checking his bank balance!!

Here is my 13 weeks bump pic. There's not much change since 12 weeks, but still a bump!