The Beginning

The beginning starts way back in 1994, when I was 14 years old.

I must admit, I wasn't the easiest of kids, I was a constant source of worry to my poor mother, an I hated school and would do anything to get out of going to school.

The summer of 1994 and I was looking forwardto gong toa party, but I ha what I thoht was trappd wind, my mum said to me 'maybe its your perod starting'...... 3 days and lots of pain later, I got my first AF.
I was inso much pain and bleeding really heavily, when I asked my mum to go and get me some more sanitary towels, she mumbled something about me uing so many! I don't know why this comment stuck i my head, but it would make sense a few years later!

Every month, I suffered with severe pain and really heavy bleeding, but I thought it was normal and my mum thought I was exaggerating so I didn't have to go to school...Any thoughts of the boy who cried wolf??!!

I left shool and moved out of home at 16 and met my firs husband, at this point, I decided to have the Depo-Provera contraceptive injection, oh the joy and relief of no periods, no pain, no heavy bleeding.

A year or so later, we decided to try or a baby, so i stopped the Depo-Provera and back came AF witha vengence!
By this time, I had been Practice Manager and lead nurse of the dental surgery Iwas working in. Every month I was having to take a day r so offdurin the first days of AF, then I started getting pains all the way through my cycle. I had been rushed into hospital about 6 times in as many months, I was never given any answers aor diagnosis. I was given an outpatient appoinment and told it was ovulation pains.
By ths time, the entist I was working for was getting a bit pissed off with the amount of time I was having off, so he offered to payfor me to go privately, off I pop to see the same consultant I had been seeing on the NHS but with my bossbeing £180 lighter.
The consultant decided I wuld have an exploratory laparoscopy the very next day! Obviously, I piped up that its amazing how I am taken seriouslywhen I hand hima roll of cash! He then said he would see me on the NHS. I also raied the issue of my (in)fertiltiy, as I still hadn't got my bfp.
So along i go the next dayto have the laparoscopy and leave the hospital with a diagnosis of ndometriosis and a prescription for Synarel (narefarlin) nasal spray as treatment for the ext 3 months. I was also reated for the endometriosis in surgery  and I was told the nasal spray would improve my symptoms and with that, my fertility issues were down to the endometriosis

My cyces were still all over the place, but the endo was easing up. My fears of infertility were really upsetting me. I was a POASaholic.

Weddin plans were supposed to be taking ovr my life, but it still wasn't enough to take my mind off symptom spotting, I was becoming obssessed, POAS a every opportunity nd those heartbreaking BFNs every month.

In April 2009, AF was 2 weeks late, but that was nothing new!H2B dediced I needed to test! Normally, I would have been ot that door to get that HPT, but Ijust wasn't interested this time. H2B went off and got one, put it on the coffe table in front of me, and I just stared at it (very unlike me) and after a lot of convincing off I went upstairs to POAS.
I sat on the bathroom floor and turned y head away from it, I couldn't bear that sinking feeling of a bfn again. Well that lasted all of a minute.......... I looked...... I looked again.......
I burst into tears and screamed at H2B, he came rushing upstairs to console me in our bfn again, I threw myslf at him, clutching the hpt unable to speak just sobbin and sobbing, H2B was shushing and cooing.... eventually, I managed to wave the hpt in his face and get the ords out... ITS POSITIVE!!! He burst into tears, we stood at the top of the stairs like a pair of blubbering idiots!

My millenium baby was due 31st January 2000

I had the most amazing pregnancy. Morning sickness was bad until about 16 weeks, but thats part and parcel of becoming  a Mummy.
My only concern during pregnancy was the birthas I am only 4' 9". I was told nearer the time, I would be given a scan to check the size of the baby.
I had my 12 week scan, then along comes the 20 week scan and the big decision, do we fin out what we are having? We decided not to, we would wait for a nice surprise.
At 23 weeks, I got married.
After Christmas, I went for my dating scan, the baby kicked and wriggled throught, kicking and punching! I was told the baby was 6lb 3oz but could  go along and see the consultant this afternoon?? What could possibly be wrong? I saw my baby trying to kik and punch their way out!
The consultant explained I would be having a C-Section due to mine and babies size, but there was a problem with the anabolic blood flow through the placenta and they wanted to moniter me and baby until the time was right to give birth.
After about 3 weeks of every other day hospital visits to have CTG monitoring, we went back to the consultant, I was getting unhappy, uncomfortable, and tired by this stage.
When we saw the consultant, Hubby piped up with 'you've told us we are having a ceaserian, just tell us where and when and we will be there'. The consultant said we would be contacted that very afternoon as it was only 6 days before my due date.
We got the phone call, either tomorrow morning, or my due date?? Well, there was no way I was waiting another 5 days, tomorrow it was!

My beautiful gorgeous baby BOY Charles Thomas was born on Wednesday 26th January 2000 at 11.15am weighing in at 6Lb 7oz

He was a wonderful baby, he gave me an easy time as a first time mummy, apart from te usual bumps nd grazes, he had an accident he day he took his first steps and ended up in hospital having stitches in his lip and half his front tooth missing.
Then at about 3 years old, he started having seizures, he had an EEG to rule out epilepsy, he got the all clear. To this day, we don't know why, just they diagnosed febrile convulsions. And to this day - touch wood- h's neer had another fit.

After his birth I had the Depo shot agin, but only once, then it was a case of NTNP, when Charlie was 18 months old, we decided to start activly TTC#2.
But it never happened and we ended up splitting up after 2 years of TTC.
I was still seeing the consultant, who just kept getting me in for laparoscopies, I'm sure that man just liked butchering women!

A while later, I met up with Bongo a childhood friend of mine, we ended up falling madly in love.
Finally after 8 years of TTC#2, I got my bfp. I was only 4 days late, so wasn't really execting it, I jut POASd to get it over and done with, I had resigned yslf to never being able to have anymore children and had given up hope.
I was abolutley gobsmacked!I was 4+4, Bongo tried not to get too exited, but we couldn't help telling everyone!
The following week, I started getting lower abdominal pains, so I went to the GP who sent me off the the EPU where I had a scan, they found the sac, but no heartbeat  yet, but as I was only 5 weeks, tha was normal. I was given a follow up appointment for 10 days time.
I spent the next 4 days happy and relaxed (aart from the excruciating back pain, but hey, I was pregnant, yay for the back pain). Then I started having pains agin, so EPU called me back in and gave me anoher scan, measurements were taken, the sac was growing, but still no heartbeat, I was reassured that eerything was ok and normal and to come back in 5 days for my follow up appointment.
The next four days went well, no more problems, no more pains, off we went to our follow up scan. I felt wonderful, we couldn't wait to get the pictures of or bean.
The sonographer started the scan, Bongos face lit up (it was the first scan he had managed to get to) but as soon as I looked at the screen, I knew, I just knew, I don't know why, I looked at Bongo and just shoke my head...... NO!
The sonographer checked my scans from my previous few scans, she checked and she checked again, then she said the most devestating words a pregant woman can ever hear ....... I'm sorry, theres no heartbeat.
I was given 3 options, ERPC, mifeprstone or just let things happen naturally, til thi day, I do not know why I chose an ERPC and I live with the fear that they got it wrong with the scan and I inadvetantly killed my unborn baby. 
We decided our baby would be knownas Tinkerbell, so when you see Tinkerbell everywhere with me, thats my reminder of my baby I lost.

We started TTC#3 almost immediately, but  nothng appened. I saw my consultant again, who surprise surprise had e in or another laparoscopy, they treated adhesions and some endo.
When I went back for my follow up appintment after surgery, I was told the reason I wasn't getting pregnant was beause I was too fat!! For the record, I am 7 stone!!

I went to my GP andasked to be referred to another Gynacologist. I got my appointment really quickly. I went to see him and explained my history and fertility issues to him, he looked through my hospital nots and said that in all my surgeries, I had NEVER had a tubal patency test!
There and then, he ordered CD21 progesterone B/W, Bongo's SA and a HSG. He took swabs and told me that my uterus is retroverted, out of all the times I have been prodded and poked, no one has ever told me that. He did stress that he didnt think this was the issue with my infertility and it shouldn't have any bearing on me being able to have a natural bfp.
I cannot believe in one half hour appointment with tis wonderful amn, he has done everything that could and should have been done years ago for me.
I went and had my HSG, no problems there. Bongo had his pot wank and I went and had my B/W done. 
We went back and had out follow up appointment, I was told I hadn'y ovulated and e would be sending us to the FS at our local hospital fertilty clinic. But he wanted me to redo the B/W just incase it was the HSG had screwed me up that cycle and thats why I hadn't ovulated.
He requested I be seen priority because of Charlie's age and te fact that I've been TTC for 8 years.

August 2010, we hd our appointment with the FS, she told me my B/W came back and I was ovulating, Bongos pot wank came back great, HSG was good, I was now in that evil category as UNEXPLAINED INFERTILITY.

To cut a long story short now as this has been a long post already, I done 7 rounds of clomid and still no bfp.

We have now been referred to Oxford Fertility Unit fo IVF

Even that was a drama, paperwork for funding went missing for almost 3 months, 2 months of that consisted of me chasing that paperwork up and being an emotional psycho bitch, but thats nothing compared to what I was in store for...............................