So that was my diary as far as I got!
I must remember to update daily, but some days it's just not worth boring you with the details of my life!
I had been spotting since last week end, when I messed up changing my medication sprays over, and was starting to get worried that I haven't DRd properly, as my scan is this tomorrow.
But I have started using the new spray as of a week ago, and I have a new knack of doing it, and I have had no spotting since Thursday evening.
Had a fantastic new haircut on Thursday for my evening out with family, my 16 year old nephew has been accepted to train as a jockey at The British Racing School 100 miles away, moving away and growing up, so we had a congratulory and goodbye meal. Yes I did have a glass of wine or two!
I am up now writing this because I am unable to sleep again, I seem to have pain around my left ovary which has kept me awake. But also the clocks went back last night, and seeing as I do not have a fantastic circadian rhythm anyway, it has really messed with my sleep pattern.
I also want to talk about my feeling about this IVF cycle. Away from the hormonal side of things. I want to explain how this is affecting me emotionally.
A friend who is a LTTTCer herself, compared it to LTTTC and said the anxiety must seem so much worse, which I do agree with, my anxiety levels are through the roof. I don't want to compare it to LTTTC, but there is no other way to explain it, when you are LTTTC, you know there is always hope, you know you may be prescribed Clomid,IUI, or IVF, you always have another hope. Well this is my last hope, this is my last chance to get my bfp. I only have the one shot at IVF, I'll never be able to afford another cycle privately. I know there is always a chance I may have frosties to do a FET, but thats not guarnteed.
I also have the anxiety that I'm not DRing, what if I don't get any eggs, what if they don't fertilise, what if they don't implant, what if they do and then I have another MC???
So many things to think about and be worried about.
I am not taking anything away from my fellow LTTCers here and I really don't want to seem ungrateful, but this is my place to be honest, and being honest........... I'm finding it very difficult, hormonally and emotionally.
:) It's difficult because it is the end of the line. You've got so much riding on this. The anxiety of the process (I'm so impatient and such a negative Nancy) and this being the end, is just a lot to deal with! My hair would be falling out from the stress that goes along with it!
ReplyDeleteBut so far you've managed to keep calm, carry on, and laugh during all of it! You'll get thru this with positive results. And if not, we're going to draw up our cases and sue the pants off the chemists behind the Depo-shot!!! We'd have quite a case in the US and UK. Bastards!