So yesterday I had my follow up appointment, and it went really well.
Bongo and I had a chat before we left, even though we had initially decided to go unmedicated, reasons being that we have tried the medicated route and it didn't work, so lets see what my body can do naturally, plus, I AM ovulating on my own after the IVF. But we had decided to go medicated because of timings with work for Bongo and wasting a cycle if I ovulate at the weekends, as they won't do a weekend transfer.
So we get there, and I am told my appointment had been changed from the Senior Consultant because he was caught up with another patient, which I can completely forgive, as he left consulting patients on the day of my transfer to come down to the lab and do my transfer for me.
We are called in, by a lady I kind of recognise, and she says she remembers us, Bongo smiled and said 'yep, I remember you too', I look completely blank, and she explains she was the lovely lady pushing down on my bladder for 3 hours during the nightmare transfer! I apologise for not remembering, and she smiled and said don't worry, I'm not surprised. I thanked her for being there with me all the way through, and knew it was going to be a good meeting because I had someone who was with me the whole time.
She asked how we wanted the meeting to go? We decided that she would go through the previous cycle, explain about FET and then we would be asked if we had any questions. Well, we didn't need to ask any questions by the time she had done talking, she had answered them all for us!
Firstly, she went through the previous cycle, she said I had a text book cycle, everything was perfect, normally they have a 60% fertilisation rate, I had 90% of my eggs fertilise, I had a good number of eggs collected, my lining was spot on, they transferred a 4BB grade blastocysts, apart from the transfer, everything was perfect, so it was just bad luck and chance that I didn't get my bfp.
Then we talk about FET, I have 5 blastos of at least 4BB grade frozen and ready to rock and roll.
It was explained to me that it is a 35% success rate per cycle, not per embryo transferred, because I asked about having more than one transferred. She said she would rather I had 5 chances of 35%, rather than waste an embryo by putting more than one back at a time.
She also suggested before I asked, that I could be sedated during the transfer, but would have to have a medicated cycle because they have to arrange for the anaesthetist to be there for my transfer, which is fine with us because we had already decided to do that. Although it will mean that I have to pay £200-£400 more per cycle for the medications.
I also requested that I down regulate with injections, rather than the nasal spray, as I didn't like using the nasal spray, that is fine, so more injections, maybe I just enjoy it ;))
My cervix does not need to be dilated, as it isn't narrow, its just twisty, so theres really no point dilating it.
Bongo asked if I could lay down for longer after the transfer, which I obviously will be because of the sedation, but she did explain that your uterus has like a vacuum to it, so once the embryo is in, its in. Another analogy is that your uterus is like two slices of bread like a sandwich, the embryo is placed between the two slices of bread and isn't going anywhere.
So she said I'm good to go next AF, due in about 5 days, but Bongo and I have decided to wait until April/May time, give ourselves some time and hopefully the warmer weather will help.
I have decided to do acupuncture throughout the whole treatment cycle, and I am making an appointment to go and see her in the next couple of weeks. I am convinced I have a cold uterus, so I am starting to keep warmer (that's hard in this crap weather we have at the moment) I am going to start drinking ginger and brown sugar, always wear socks, and put a hot water bottle on my back and tummy for half an hour mornings and evenings. Never eat or drink anything colder than room temperature and no milk.
Apart from all the TTC/ART talk, I am feeling a lot better mentally, I felt myself come out of it last Thursday night, and I have been pretty OK ever since, so fingers crossed, I can stop taking the meds in the next few days!! Yay!
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Thursday, 17 January 2013
Appointment at Oxford
So, I finally got round to ringing the clinic today about the missing letter, they insist I should have received it, so I suspect its down to Royal Mail, which is nice to know, very intimate details of my IVF and my vag are lost somewhere in the world of Royal Mail.
So I explained I wold like to book an appointment and why, the woman was amazing and when I explained about the 3 hour transfer, she has booked me in with the most senior Consultant and I actually think he was the one who ended up doing my transfer, as she said, that would be very good if it is, as he will probably remember the details more, so fingers crossed it is.
I asked if I have to pay for this consultation and she said no as it is within 3 months of treatment, so I'm glad I rang today, as I am cutting it a bit fine!
I have to start a list of what questions I want to ask. So any ideas ladies, would be helpful.
Just thought I would pop by and give a quick update on where we are and what we are doing.
So I explained I wold like to book an appointment and why, the woman was amazing and when I explained about the 3 hour transfer, she has booked me in with the most senior Consultant and I actually think he was the one who ended up doing my transfer, as she said, that would be very good if it is, as he will probably remember the details more, so fingers crossed it is.
I asked if I have to pay for this consultation and she said no as it is within 3 months of treatment, so I'm glad I rang today, as I am cutting it a bit fine!
I have to start a list of what questions I want to ask. So any ideas ladies, would be helpful.
- Do I need another lap to treat endo and adhesion's?
- Do I need surgery on my cervix?
- Can I have my cervix dilated before transfer
- Do I really need a full bladder as this heightened my anxiety
- Can I lay down for longer AFTER the transfer
- Can I be sedated during the transfer
- Need to find out my AMH results
Just thought I would pop by and give a quick update on where we are and what we are doing.
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Time For An Update
So, a few people have messaged me to say I haven't updated my blog in a while, whats going on?
Its been a horrible few weeks for me in all honestly. (I would just like to point out, the content of this post may be quite muddled/confusing/ranting, but hopefully you will understand why and be able to put the pieces together)
I think in my last post, I explained that I had been put back on sleeping tablets and diazepam, well at first they had been knocking me for six, especially considering during the past 10 years, I have been on and off anti-psychotic medications, sedative and medications for schizophrenia (not that I have that, they just hoped the meds may calm me) My diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder, Cyclothymia (rapid cycling of bipolar) and Emotionally unstable Personality Disorder! Add to that anxiety, and agoraphobia, you have a recipe for disaster when life doesn't go the way you wanted.
In hindsight, I should have got more support for this before, during and after I went through any fertility treatments. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
So Christmas was an absolute disaster. Bongo was working, Charlie went back to his dads at midday Christmas day, that's when the tears started. They didn't stop for 4 whole days. The sleeping tablets stopped working and the Diazepam may as well have been paracetamol. Everything went wrong to the wrong music being played to there looking like a massacre had happened in the bedroom thanks to the dog managing to get hold of a tub of my pillar box red hair dye, I have a white/cream bedroom, so I had blood red hair dye all over my white bedsheets and cream carpet. I should have been about 8 weeks pregnant and I wasn't.
I also just could not bear the thought of sex. Of course I wanted it, I still had 'urges' and wanted Bongo as much as I have ever done, but something in my head was stopping me, I think I needed to get past sex being about a baby. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
In the end, it all just got too much, and I spoke to Bongo about it. I have never realised until then how much just talking to him would make things better, but it did. We became so much closer, more loving and sex was back on the cards, for the right reasons. Because I WANTED to, not because I needed to. It was near the end of my cycle, so there was no baby making involved in it at all. We spent that weekend just cuddled up on the sofa (we are not normally a touchy feely couple). We had a few tears together about everything, he kept touching the tattoo I have of the date we had our MC, no words needed to be said, we just cried.
New Year comes along, I had a party for my friend who's Birthday is NYE and that was OK, but my pregnant friend was there and I was obsessed with trying to make the baby wake up and kick me! I have no idea why! But he wouldn't wake up!! I was fine with it, I have no hard feelings and was looking after her all night. I am excited for her.
But, I just cannot shake the rapid cycling phase of the bipolar. I had to take a break from facebook and friends because I could tell after I had written a few things that I was being a complete twat and talking crap. Shame I couldn't have noticed before I done it, or sent the post. So to those people, I apologise.
I have now hit the depression point again, so I have to go back to the doctors AGAIN, probably to be sent back to the CMHT, hopefully they can offer me some counselling instead of medications, but how many people in my area can say they understand what I have been through, how many have mental health problems and failed IVF??
I went to my doctors last week, but ended up seeing a locum as my normal GP was sick. This Locum was an absolute tit. When I explained that my feelings of self harm are surfacing, she refused point blank to medicate as I would probably try to commit suicide, now that is something that REALLY REALLY pisses me off, there is a MASSIVE HUGE GIGANTIC difference between self harm and feeling suicidal. This is not the blog or place to go into this and have a massive rant explaining the difference, but there is.
I explained, if she had bothered to read my notes, I am a self harmer. I tried to suicide once about 11 years ago, when I didn't understand what was happening to me and why I felt the way I did, I didn't have a diagnosis, that was at the beginning of my problems and I was scared. Suicide is not for me! In the end, I had to get my arm out and show her my scars to prove its just self harm, never ever have I cut in a place that would even make anyone think it was a suicide attempt. She was irritating the fuck out of me and I think she realised. She wanted to put me back on long term medication then, which made absolutely no sense whatsoever, couldn't I try and commit suicide with that as well then??!! I refused long term medication and asked just for short term help to help me through this phase, so she upped my dose of Zopiclone and Diazepam, but only for two weeks. I don't understand why she would want to medicate me long term, and not short term??
See what I mean about rants??!! LOL ^^^
So back to babymaking. I had another positive OPK today, I think? Then 3 hours later a negative. Its only CD10 so I will keep testing. My head says keep BDing, but then I think whats the point (HA HA another Bipolar moment!)
With regards to the FET. According to the chat I had with the nurse back in December, I would be good to go after my next AF, so I could actually have the transfer around Valentines day if my body plays ball! But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet, and Bongo and I did discuss doing it around April/May time. I never ever thought I would be putting off the possibility of getting pregnant for a few months, but I feel for some reason spring time may be better for us.
We have also decided that we won't be telling anyone, of course, my few followers on here with have the exact same detailed updates that I did during my fresh IVF!
Oh, and I never did receive that letter detailing my IVF cycle at the end of the cycle. So I am going to have to ring them again Monday and make the appointment to go in and discuss options and treatment plans about the FET, as I still have concerns about having a full bladder and the state of my cervix. I am also wondering if it's worth going and having another lap before the FET to treat my endo and any adhesion's, as I had a few the last time I had a lap back in September 2009???
Its been a horrible few weeks for me in all honestly. (I would just like to point out, the content of this post may be quite muddled/confusing/ranting, but hopefully you will understand why and be able to put the pieces together)
I think in my last post, I explained that I had been put back on sleeping tablets and diazepam, well at first they had been knocking me for six, especially considering during the past 10 years, I have been on and off anti-psychotic medications, sedative and medications for schizophrenia (not that I have that, they just hoped the meds may calm me) My diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder, Cyclothymia (rapid cycling of bipolar) and Emotionally unstable Personality Disorder! Add to that anxiety, and agoraphobia, you have a recipe for disaster when life doesn't go the way you wanted.
In hindsight, I should have got more support for this before, during and after I went through any fertility treatments. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
So Christmas was an absolute disaster. Bongo was working, Charlie went back to his dads at midday Christmas day, that's when the tears started. They didn't stop for 4 whole days. The sleeping tablets stopped working and the Diazepam may as well have been paracetamol. Everything went wrong to the wrong music being played to there looking like a massacre had happened in the bedroom thanks to the dog managing to get hold of a tub of my pillar box red hair dye, I have a white/cream bedroom, so I had blood red hair dye all over my white bedsheets and cream carpet. I should have been about 8 weeks pregnant and I wasn't.
I also just could not bear the thought of sex. Of course I wanted it, I still had 'urges' and wanted Bongo as much as I have ever done, but something in my head was stopping me, I think I needed to get past sex being about a baby. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
In the end, it all just got too much, and I spoke to Bongo about it. I have never realised until then how much just talking to him would make things better, but it did. We became so much closer, more loving and sex was back on the cards, for the right reasons. Because I WANTED to, not because I needed to. It was near the end of my cycle, so there was no baby making involved in it at all. We spent that weekend just cuddled up on the sofa (we are not normally a touchy feely couple). We had a few tears together about everything, he kept touching the tattoo I have of the date we had our MC, no words needed to be said, we just cried.
New Year comes along, I had a party for my friend who's Birthday is NYE and that was OK, but my pregnant friend was there and I was obsessed with trying to make the baby wake up and kick me! I have no idea why! But he wouldn't wake up!! I was fine with it, I have no hard feelings and was looking after her all night. I am excited for her.
But, I just cannot shake the rapid cycling phase of the bipolar. I had to take a break from facebook and friends because I could tell after I had written a few things that I was being a complete twat and talking crap. Shame I couldn't have noticed before I done it, or sent the post. So to those people, I apologise.
I have now hit the depression point again, so I have to go back to the doctors AGAIN, probably to be sent back to the CMHT, hopefully they can offer me some counselling instead of medications, but how many people in my area can say they understand what I have been through, how many have mental health problems and failed IVF??
I went to my doctors last week, but ended up seeing a locum as my normal GP was sick. This Locum was an absolute tit. When I explained that my feelings of self harm are surfacing, she refused point blank to medicate as I would probably try to commit suicide, now that is something that REALLY REALLY pisses me off, there is a MASSIVE HUGE GIGANTIC difference between self harm and feeling suicidal. This is not the blog or place to go into this and have a massive rant explaining the difference, but there is.
I explained, if she had bothered to read my notes, I am a self harmer. I tried to suicide once about 11 years ago, when I didn't understand what was happening to me and why I felt the way I did, I didn't have a diagnosis, that was at the beginning of my problems and I was scared. Suicide is not for me! In the end, I had to get my arm out and show her my scars to prove its just self harm, never ever have I cut in a place that would even make anyone think it was a suicide attempt. She was irritating the fuck out of me and I think she realised. She wanted to put me back on long term medication then, which made absolutely no sense whatsoever, couldn't I try and commit suicide with that as well then??!! I refused long term medication and asked just for short term help to help me through this phase, so she upped my dose of Zopiclone and Diazepam, but only for two weeks. I don't understand why she would want to medicate me long term, and not short term??
See what I mean about rants??!! LOL ^^^
So back to babymaking. I had another positive OPK today, I think? Then 3 hours later a negative. Its only CD10 so I will keep testing. My head says keep BDing, but then I think whats the point (HA HA another Bipolar moment!)
With regards to the FET. According to the chat I had with the nurse back in December, I would be good to go after my next AF, so I could actually have the transfer around Valentines day if my body plays ball! But I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet, and Bongo and I did discuss doing it around April/May time. I never ever thought I would be putting off the possibility of getting pregnant for a few months, but I feel for some reason spring time may be better for us.
We have also decided that we won't be telling anyone, of course, my few followers on here with have the exact same detailed updates that I did during my fresh IVF!
Oh, and I never did receive that letter detailing my IVF cycle at the end of the cycle. So I am going to have to ring them again Monday and make the appointment to go in and discuss options and treatment plans about the FET, as I still have concerns about having a full bladder and the state of my cervix. I am also wondering if it's worth going and having another lap before the FET to treat my endo and any adhesion's, as I had a few the last time I had a lap back in September 2009???
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