12 Weeks

So according to my LMP, I'm 12 weeks today! Yay!
(Although if we go by the dumb sonographer, I'm 11 weeks tomorrow, but lets forget her)

We still have to wait another 11 days for our scan, so will have a more accurate date on the 11th June.

My 17 year old nephew has insisted on paying for our 'Gender Peek' Scan, and tricked me into taking the money yesterday! So we will be booking that for 16 weeks when we have our more accurate date at the scan in 11 days.

I've just been upset by the nurse at my G.P surgery. I've had another couple of episodes of low blood sugars and hypos, so I rang to speak to someone. She actually shouted at me down the phone demanding to know where I got a blood glucose monitor from, so I explained that my dad and nephew are diabetic, and I always keep a monitor in the house. But, does she not know, ANYONE can buy a monitor in Boots or a chemist? She told me I was over reacting and causing myself to panic for no reason, I should not be testing my blood glucose levels, and she wasn't interesting in hearing about how low my levels had dropped. 2.3, 2.5 and 2.8 are FAR from within normal limits. She just wanted to shout at me and make me feel like a drama queen. I tried to explain my family history, that I am higher risk of gestational diabetes. All she asked was had I been eating properly, so I said of course, I have been keeping a food and blood glucose diary, cue, more shouting for using the monitor. I then explained my last 'hypo' 2 days ago, I was actually drinking a can of coke at the time, so it made absolutely no sense what so ever that my levels dropped to 2.8. She wasn't interested.
I'm now too scared to make a doctors appointment or ring my midwife, because I've been made to feel really stupid and that I'm being a drama queen. I just don't know what to do?

I also have a theory on women who are diagnosed with gestational diabetes in the third trimester. When my blood sugar levels go low, it can be mistaken for normal pregnancy related dizziness, sickness, weakness. Just I am more aware of hypo symptoms, so wondered and checked my blood glucose levels.
Low blood sugar levels can be diagnosed with hyperinsulinemia, where the body produces too much insulin for the time being, then, later the pancreas doesn't have enough insulin to produce, and therefore are diagnosed with diabetes (mainly type 2)
I'm sure if they tested more women's blood glucose levels more regularly in first tri (high risk for developing gestational diabetes) it will show more markers for if they will develop it later in pregnancy. But the symptoms are always just put down to 'normal pregnancy related symptoms'

I'm feeling a bit better physically this week, I'm still waking up with headaches, but not so bad, backache is still sore, but not unbearable. I am actually the size of a house already! Bongo has started taking weekly pictures, here is this weeks.

Looks like a good excuse to go and buy more clothes!!

10 weeks 5 days

WARNING!!! I'm a moany old whinge bag today!!!



Urgh, I'm not going to lie, I'm suffering!

I may get some stick, people think I'm being ungrateful, I'm not, I'm extremely grateful for being pregnant with this little miracle, I'm just not going to sugarcoat it, I'm not going to lie, pregnancy is hard. And yes, I may have the odd whine, but this is my blog, and I'm going to be honest!

My blood sugar levels seem to have stabilised, I have the odd low reading, which is easily fixed (thank you Pepsi and Milka chocolate)
I cut out caffeine because of my restless legs, but started suffering really severe headaches/migraines, I put that down to caffeine withdrawals and started drinking regular coffee again and I feel a lot better once I've had a coffee or Pepsi.  I've always drunk loads of coke/pepsi, so I think it was a major shock to the system cutting caffeine out completely. I still awake with a headache, but as soon as I have had a coffee, it goes within half an hour, and I sip a single can of coke or pepsi throughout the day to keep the headaches at bay.
My restless legs also seem to have calmed down, even though I'm supping caffeine, I'm still taking magnesium and iron supplements, along with a pre-natal vitamin, so I hope that will be whats helping.

I'm so restless all the time, I'm amazingly tired, but do not want to sleep, or can't sleep! Then I get restless and grumpy - I don't know how to fix this, but I'm told it's quite normal for the 1st Tri.
I awake every single hour on the dot during the night to go for a wee!! Which doesn't really help at all!! We all know how bad I am with my bladder at the best of times!!!

Wowzers! Round ligament pain is pants!! All that stretching and pulling is painful!! Although amazingly great, because it means things are growing properly!! But damn, the pain is unbearable at times!! My back has been the most painful, this morning I woke crying in pain, I had to get Bongo to push on my hips from behind, then bunch his fist into a ball and push against my lower back, it was the only thing that eased the pain, then he made me a hot water bottle to have on it while he toddled off to work. And I lay with a pillow between my legs to keep my pelvis open, it's the only release from the pain!
Now I keep getting emails saying he feels guilty for leaving me, bless his little cottons!
Mum is making me a pillow to have between my legs and around my back for support! To buy a maternity pillow would cost in the region of £50 for a decent one, so thank god for my mum!!!

Good news is, it's 2 weeks and 6 days until my scan! Excited and scared are the first feelings that come to mind.
The time seems to have flown by so far, but now I'm on the countdown to the scan, its dragging soooooooo slooooooow.

I think we have finally decided to go for the elective C-Section. Bongo was adamant that he didn't want me to have a TOLAC (Trial of labour after C-Section) and after talking to my friend who had an elective with her second, and a emergency with her first, I think she has convinced me. Also my friend who's a midwife who works at the hospital where I am booked in, talked me through the procedure, and I am happy with it, apart from one thing.
You get booked into the ward, then taken to main theatre instead of labour theatre, after you have the section, you are taken into recovery for an hour, but the baby is not allowed to come with you, they are taken straight back to the ward with dad. I'm not entirely happy with this, but I have time to come to terms with it. Of course, as long as it's a straight forward birth, I get to have the baby placed on my chest for a while, when they are stitching me up.
I feel you are in some way being punished for having a section. When you have a straight forward vaginal birth, you are encouraged to lift the baby out yourself and put baby straight to your chest for skin to skin, you are also encouraged to put the baby straight to the breast to suckle. Why can't I have these encouragements because I chose or have to have a section?

I did warn you it would be a moany post!!

9 weeks 3 days

I know I said I would pop back ages ago and update, but thought I would leave it a while.

Things are going pretty well for me, I'm feeling a lot better now, so I shall update with everything that has happened so far!

I went to see the midwife at 6 weeks, who done all my booking in, she has said I can go for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) which has scared me half to death, but I also like the thought of at least having a Trial of Labour and seeing how things go. Bongo's not convinced, he's scared and would like me to go straight for another C-Section, as he is worried how big the baby will be.
So I asked if I could have a scan at approx 34 weeks (like I did with Charlie) to determine the size of the baby and we make the decision from there. I am already booked into my hospital of choice for the birth, I can't quite believe this is all happening.
I talked to her about my concerns and that I just wanted some reassurance. EPU will not just do scans for reassurance, so she booked me in for a dating scan, which would be the following Tuesday (and also the anniversary of my MMC)
I was given the forms for blood work at 8 weeks and my forms for 12week scan.
I was asked if I wanted the tests for Down Syndrome, which I agreed to, but the results will make no difference to me, I love my little pea!
I was informed I am of higher risk of pre-eclampysia and of gestational diabetes, due to my family history of diabetes.
She also wanted to discuss my mental health, we have a local team of midwives who specialise in pregnancy and mental health, so I am now booked under their care and they come to my home for all my midwife appointments so I don't have to always go to the surgery.
I am also booked under obstetric care, due to me being high risk for many things! But mostly as I have had a C-Section.

I went for my scan at 6+4, I explained on the phone about my irritable bladder and when I got there, I just couldn't cope and went to the toilet before the scan, when we got in the room, the woman seemed a bit irritated, but went ahead and used the Dildo Cam, she did not seem very confident at all, but as soon as we looked at the screen, we saw the little heart beating away!! I'm trying very hard not to cry, Bongo is tapping my leg, thumbs in the air, saying 'look,look,' and all I kept thinking was 'don't talk, you'll just blub, and Bongo, please stop tapping on my leg while she still has the wand up my hoo haa', she said she thought my dates were earlier than I thought, but she needed to check and can I go outside and wait while she does the report. Again, I'm going to stress, she did not seem at all comfortable or confident scanning such an early pregnancy.
We waited outside and couldn't stop grinning, then she came out and told us my dates were 8 days ahead, and that I was only 5+3 baby measured 3.9mm, but we were happy, we had seen our baby was doing just fine. We are booked in for our 12 week scan according to her calculations on 11th June.
A couple of days later, I started getting a panic on, and done some calculations, by her dates, I would have got my bfp, just a couple of days after ovulation, that can't be right! Then I wondered if my baby was not growing properly. I got quite upset.
Luckily my midwife rang a day later to book my next appointment, and I explained it to her, and she said we will just stick with my original date for now, as early scans are not always reliable, and we will know for sure at my 12 week scan.
I also asked DR Google, who sent me to a website that gives you your dates according to the CRL (crown rump length) and according to that, my original date was spot on!!
Silly sonographer!!

The pains I have experienced have all gone, I'm doing OK with MS, my boobs really hurt during the night and first thing in the morning, but other than that, I've been pretty OK. I haven't been sick (except once when the cat had an accident in my bedroom, but I probably would have been sick anyway!!) I have been getting the odd migraine, but its bearable, I' not overly tired, but when I do get tired, its an immediate - I have to go nap and my RLS was really bad at one point, so I upped my magnesium, iron and potassium, I'm eating bananas 5 times a day and drinking tonic water for quinine, and my legs seem so much better, I saw a difference within 2 days. My mood swings have been terrible (poor Bongo) and I have so much pent up rage at the moment!!

I went for my blood tests last Wednesday, and the woman was a butcher! I'm still lumpy and bruised! :(

Bongo noticed that I have started showing already, I had noticed, but thought it was just bloat, he has decide to take pictures of me every week to see the changes, and started it that night, when I looked at the picture, it is definitely a bump and not bloat! So at 9 weeks, I'm already showing, and I wouldn't have it any other way! (The sonographer did only show us one fetus!)

I'm eating like a horse, but i'm eating really healthy. I have cut out all caffeine, no coke/Pepsi or fizzy drinks (this has also helped with my restless legs) but I'm eating like every couple of hours! I'm going to be the size of a house!

Saturday, I was having lunch and felt fine, Bongo nipped out to the shops for something, and I came across all funny, I couldn't see properly, I was really hot and clammy, I had a sweat and just needed to lay down, I went to the bedroom, but Charlie followed me, and thank god he did, he noticed the signs of a hypoglycemic episode and ran and got me chocolate and made me eat it. I was fine within a minute or so, but had a really bad headache and was a grumpy bitch for ages afterwards. I rang my mum and told her what had happened and she confirmed it sounded like a hypo (my dad and my nephew who live with my mum are both diabetic)
So yesterday, I went and bought a blood glucose monitor, my friend had the keys to her salon and she treated me to a full pamper and haircut. I ate about 10 caramel biscuits, then came home and done a blood test immediately, which was 4.3, which is quite low (normal range depending on who you speak to is between 5-8MmoL) so Bongo cooked me a massive meal of rump steak, corn on the Cobb, mushrooms, tomatoes, I had a cherry juice and Capri Sun and a banana for afters, but two hours later my blood had only gone up to 5.1 and before bed, it was 5.3, so although in the normal range, it is the lower end of normal. So I am just keeping an eye on things before and after each meal, when I wake up and before I go to bed.

Mentally, I am very up and down dealing with the transition between IF and pregnancy. I will always be IF, it has been a part of my life for longer than anything else, including Charlie as I was TTC for 2 years with him.
But, had my IF friends not be so understanding and supportive, I know I wouldn't be coping with this as well as I am, so I want to thank you all for being there and sticking by me, when you could have just ousted me the minute you found out!! I love you all so much!!