25 Weeks 3 Days

I haven't updated in forever! I've had so much going on.
Charlie has been home for a month over the summer holidays, and trying to keep an almost 14 year old entertained while feeling like a beached whale is.......diferent!

We have had a few problems with Bongo at work and he has had some time off, we have been trying to sort our cramped little flat out to make room for baby and baby things, I still have no idea where we are going to put everything!!

We are almost done buying everything now, just a few little bits and pieces and we are ready to rock and roll!! I can't believe I have only 14 and a half weeks left of this pregnancy, it's flown by.

I have a reallly really busy few weeks coming up appointment wise, although it's going to be busy, I am so very grateful that I am being looked after so closely. My next few weeks are like this:

Today - Midwife
11th Septemeber: VBAC Clinic
18th Septemeber: GTT
19th Septemeber: Anti-D blood test
20th Septemeber: Anti-D injection
1st October: Growth Scan
1st October: Consultant Appointment

In between, I will have another Midwife appointment as well.
I have Midwife this afternoon, just the usual checks etc, but I really do need to speak to her about this pelvic pain now, it has actually reduced me to tears on a number of occasions, the only way I can describe it, is like being kicked/having a groin strain (times 100). I can't get in and out of bed, it hurts to walk, and get up from a chair. I have bought a maternity belt, which is amazing, it holds it all in, and you feel like you kind of fall apart when you take it off! I would highly recommened one if your having pelvic problems. I am going to be asked to be referred to physio now, which she offered to do a few appointments back if I was still suffering.
I am also getting quite bad Braxton Hicks contractions! Except mine don't come and go, I have one that will last between 30 mins to an hour, then ease off, and I have this around 3/4 times a day, they can take my breath away at times! I was in the hallway when I got one Saturday night and was holding on to both sides of the wall for dear life, not quite being able to move, Bongo came and gave me his hands to hold while he tried to move me into the living room to sit down, but I couldn't move! He got screeched at to just 'leave me the fuck alone, I can't fucking move!'. Oh dear!! Imagine what I will be like in established labour??!!

Now, I really have a problem with the gruffalo! I can't shave, or when I do, I'm shaving blind and completely missing bits! I was thinking about trying and using some sensitive hair removing cream today, but that really only lasts as long as shaving, doesn't it? And it still means I have tot try and reach everywhere, and last time I tried using cream, it felt like I'd given my hoo ha third degree burns. I was thinking about biting the bullet and going for a wax, but I'm too scared, then someone recommeded sugar waxing as apparently it doesnt hurt so bad, but I'm still going to have to pluck up the courage to give that a go!! Such a dilema!

I have some bump pics, they are not great, so excuse the stretch marks!!

 Daddy having kick cuddles!! The size of his hand makes my belly look tiny!!

21 Weeks 5 Days Kicks

Just a quick one!!

I've been feeling little Missy kick for a few weeks now, but Bongo has only felt her a few times even though I feel I'm being kicked with steel toe capped boots, but I just cannot WAIT for him to get in from work, I can SEE her moving and kicking today, there is no way he won't be able to feel her now!!

Silly, bragging post, but eeeeeek, so exciting!!

21 Weeks 4 Days

Consultant appointment today to discuss my birthing options.
I went in all ready for the fight of my life, to push for the ELCS, or my compromise of a VBAC, but, if I need any intervention ie; forceps/ventouse, I will refuse this and want to go straight for a EMCS.

Well, it went better than expected, she asked details surrounding Charlie's birth (again) and she had my hospital notes, not just my maternity notes and one of the reasons was due to Maternal Height, so this was going in my favour already! I think she took one look at me, at bump and at Bongo and had already decided to hear us out. She said I can go for a VBAC and is recommending I do, I asked to be booked straight in for an ELCS, she said she can do, and will make an appointment for me to go and discuss my birthing options with a Consultant Midwife, BUT, she has the best plan of action and I'm entirely happy with it!

What we are going to do is, from 1st October (approx 29 weeks) I will be given growth scans every four weeks to check how baby is doing and a decision will be made according to how her scans go. She doesn't want to make any rushed decisions, we have plenty of time to see how things go and I feel I'm not being pushed into something (either way) without being properly monitored.

It's also very comforting to know that she didn't outright refuse me an ELCS and her actual words were 'we can do' when I asked for one. So I know I won't have a major fight in a few weeks when Cora-Jane is the size of an elephant.

Feeling a bit better about these things now.

But other problems, emotional ones are still ongoing. Friendships are fraught, close friends are being upset and hurt and there's bugger all I can do. I have accepted things won't be the same, I realise that now and have come to terms with that. But I hate to think that these issues are happening with other friends as well. I'm confused, I don't understand how it's come to this. But I suppose all good things come to an end.

So to the ladies who have been there for me for the past year or so, supported all my ups and downs, my treatments and failures, then my joy, from the bottom of my heart, I can't thank you enough, you will always be a massive part of my life whether we are in touch or not and I will always think of you.

20 weeks 5 days Bump

20 Weeks 5 Days

Aggggggggh, I just wrote a whole post and deleted it by mistake!!

So I had my 20 week scan yesterday, all is great. Although she is a big girl! All her measurements and checks came back within 'normal' limits. But she has got a big belly, I blame her Daddy for this, anyone who knows Bongo or has seen pictures of him will understand what I mean! I was worried at first about maybe a distended abdomen, but she reassured me it was all fine and I checked my scan notes afterwards and its all normal.  Luckily I have an appointment with the Consultant next week, so I really will be pushing for my ELCS!!

We had a moment when we thought our little princess may be a little prince. During the scan, she kept referring to baby as 'he'. After she had done all her checks, she asked if we would like to know the gender, we said yes, but didn't tell her we already knew, we wanted confirmation. Baby kept being a little awkward and she had her feet in the wrong position, so the sonographer said 'at the start of the scan, I thought it was  a boy', but she wriggled baby, and got the shot to confirm, it is definitely a girl!! Thank God!!

I have had a bit of a negative week this week. I feel I have lost some friends since becoming pregnant. I know this was to be expected, but it still hurts.
I have tried to be respectful and not harp on about my pregnancy and the baby, but I feel I have still lost friends anyway.
Sometimes it is very hard not to keep talking about it, I finally have what I thought I would never have, after 12 years of struggling.
But now I have lost these friends anyway, regardless of how respectful I have tried to be, and I now feel that why shouldn't I shout it from he rooftops after struggling for so long?? Why should I hide my pregnancy and baby like some dirty little secret?
I wouldn't be on FB everyday 'prenancy this, baby that, ooooh pregnancy is so hard' because I have far too much respect for the few that have stuck by me and supported me and been so understanding. I swear, I have not become one of 'those' infertiles, I just don't see why I should hide it anymore, I'm hurt that I have lost friends I thought would always be there.

I've also had a couple of really weird messages from people about my pregnancy this week, one friend I told I am pregnant to, who knows about our struggles, how long we have been trying and having IVF said 'Congrats, it took you fucking long enough'.............No Words, I just couldn't reply!

Then today, I had this conversation on FB. Am I over reacting? Or was that really really rude?? Thanks for reminding me I am terrified of having a natural birth and hoping my daughter doesn't 'rip me to pieces'

• FRIEND

  HOW DID SCAN GO XX
• 
  

  14:04

  Karen

  Scan went well thanks, shes very big though!! LOL xxxxxxx
• 
  

  14:11

  Friend

  oh good ness lets hope shes not too big wen shes born ! wens she due again?
• 
  

  14:12

  Karen

  Hopefully will have a decision on a Cesarean next week. Shes due 13th December xx
• 
  

  14:13

  Friend

  oh god poor u having to go through that bless ya . hopefully u will b able to push out just hope she dont rip u into pieces ! have u decided on names yet and is it still hush hush x
• 
  

  14:15

  Karen

  its my choice to have a section again
• 
  

  14:17

  Friend

  ahh ok fair enough xxx cant imagine the pain tho

  december will be here before we know it , bloody august already!

  
  

  Anyway, lets end on a happy note!! Here are my 20 week scan pics! I will start taking bump pics again soon, I'm really annoyed with myself that I haven't done any for a couple of weeks, I really wanted to see the difference every week!

  

  
  Here's her little feet
  

  

  
  

  

  
  

  I have no idea why they have come out sideways on! I will try and recify them later! 

  
  

  
  

19 Weeks 3 Days

Ahhh, I've been crap at updating this past week or so!
Its been far too hot for me to even think, I'm not coping at all well with the heatwave we are having.

Here are my pics from 18 weeks, and I will update with my pics for this week tomorrow, if I remember!

I feel huge!! 

She is starting to move and wriggle a lot more, she doesn't really like the heat! She keeps sitting right down in my pelvis, I think she gets lost, (like her dad, refusing to ask directions!!)  then tries kicking and punching her way out and it is the weirdest feeling in the world! I don't remember having this feeling with Charlie, and I presume it's because of my anterior placenta, so I'm feeling her in other places, rather than at the front.

My 20 week scan is next Tuesday, and I'm getting nervous, I just want to know everything is OK with her, that she is all fine and healthy. 

I have had to buy a new diary just for Cora-Janes appointments, there are so many! In the next couple of weeks, I have a scan, Midwife and Consultant appointment. 

Charlie is now on Summer Holidays and I have no idea what to do with him! Especially as I have my ex-husband breathing down my neck at every opportunity. I'm sure he he is jealous of my life and my happiness and is doing what he done to me when we had Charlie and trying to convince me I am not a good mother and I do everything wrong. He is an emotional and violent bully.

I have also decided that I am going to speak to my consultant about getting a prescription for my anti-depressants and start taking them the day I give birth, to ward off any post partum depression as I am more at risk because of my bipolar. It means I won't be able to breastfeed, but I feel it is in everyones interests that I am mentally stable, than the stigma that comes with formula feeding. Judge me, I don't care. I know it's the right thing to do!

I will update again tomorrow with a less rushed post!

And I want to send all the love and hugs in the world to Mrs Briggs! 

17 Weeks 3 Days

I haven't got a side profile bump picture to show this week, instead I have my 3D scans to post!

I have been feeling the baby move since the day after my MW appointment, although I can only ever feel it on my left side, which all becomes clear at my scan, I have an anterior placenta (at the front) which means I won't feel big movements for a while. I presume my placenta is on the right, at the front, as I only ever feel the baby move on the left.

2 days after my MW appointment, I had a bad bout of sciatica! I felt like I had been kicked my a horse in the arse and I couldn't put weight on my right leg!! I was like this for 2 days, and Bongo had to take a day off work to walk the dog and generally be my nurse!! It went as quickly as it started and I'm feeling a lot better.

So, Saturday, at 17 weeks and 1 day, we had our 3D gender scan, which my Mum, Dad, nephew and Charlie came to.
It was a bit of a bittersweet day though, as my great aunt died at 3.30am Saturday morning, I wouldn't go so far as to say we were extremely close, but she took over as our Nan after my Nan (her sister) passed away in 1995. But she was everybodys  Nan, everyone in the town knew her, she welcomed everyone in, our family is HUGE, they had 21 brothers and sisters (No TV's in those days) and I certainly don't think that side of my family is infertile! The whole town is in mourning for our wonderful Auntie Ethel. She will be greatly missed.

So here are the pictures of our little PRINCESS, Cora-Jane Ellen. To explain why we have chosen her name. We both like the name Cora, it reminds me of the film Titanic, when Leonardo DiCaprio is dancing in 3rd Class with the little girl, then dances with Rose, but he says to the little girl 'Your still my favourite girl Cora', Jane comes from my dad's name, which is Jan (pronounced as in short for Janet, not Yan) and Ellen is my sisters middle name, who had to be honoured for her wonderful offer of paying for our FET.
 Bongo guessed correct right from the beginning and he is absolutely smitten and over the moon he's having a little girl! I am chuffed to bits as well, of course all I want is a happy healthy baby, but to know I have one of each, as this will probably be my only time I have a baby, is just perfect.


Cheeky little lady decided to flip us the bird!! Definitely her mothers daughter!!

 I think she's singing the song 'The Music Man' and doing the piano action here!!

 GRRR, shaking her fist at us!!